So hard to come by.
When I was alone, I felt peace.
Felt that I can continue it anywhere I was.
Yet I find that I can not.
There is no peace in home.
There is no peace in my heart.
There is no peace in my life.
Only peace in death.
To go to sleep at night.
Close my eyes.
Picture that peace.
Take my last breath…
Is peace.
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Seems like an allergy.
Is it that hard to be honest.
Don’t say we can’t be friends because my spirit guide says its friends or your spirituality.
When in reality you just want to fuck my man and he probably made it happen, since he protected you.
Don’t say I accidentally cheated.
You can’t accidentally fall out your clothes, on to a bed, and in some pussy.
Don’t say I didn’t want to hurt you.
When you moved in with another woman and tried to hide it.
Don’t say I moved out and I’m homeless so I can’t talk.
Be a man and say you just wanted what I could give and then move on.
Don’t say I love you.
Then disappear after a year.
Don’t say I’m going to do better.
When your looking for the next person to fuck.
Don’t say I know I’m fucking up but I’ll be better.
When your really a ratchet ass nigga, who doesn’t deserve me.
Don’t blame me for your dick ways.
You was a dog when you met me.
You hid it well.
But you perfected your ways while you was with me.
You don’t deserve me.
You don’t deserve any female that is willingly to be there for you.
You only deserve the bitch who stabbed you.
The bitch who kicked you out.
The bitch who tried to put your business out there.
The bitch who tried to trap you.
The bitch whose family steals from you.
The bitch who thinks having a nigga beat her ass is true love.
You deserve ratchetness.
You deserve hurt.
You deserve problems
You don’t deserve my loyalty any more.
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The place that I now find relaxing is my parents home.
I’m here looking at colleges and spending time with my parents. Having not seen them in a few months and I’m really close to them, it was a fun time.
When I came home the dogs and my cat greeted me. They jumped all over me-Bella the German Shepard, Maxwell the Lab/Sharpe mix, and Gotti the stratshire pit-and my cat Sophi a Calico, just licked herself and came over when she felt like it. You know cats. So after the attack lol, I was covered in fur and needed a shower.
Twenty minutes later I smelled some shrimp and crabs and was like yes, moms cooking lol. Who doesn’t love their mothers cooking. Every time I come home I revert to 12 and forget how to cook lol.
It’s been four days now and I have gotten the best sleep I have had in some weeks. Minus Bella licking my forehead this morning, it’s been pretty dry lol. This Saturday is moving to fast. My dad is home for the weekend, it’s hotter than the sun and hell outside and my mother and I are watching the food network drooling. She’s making me some almond cookie cupcakes that I am taking back to Philly with me. They may not make it. I know earlier this week she made snicker doodle cupcakes and they were freaking awesome!!!! I love ma’s home cooking.
Also my mother was experimenting with some new hair products and guess who was the guinea pig? Yup me. So she put this oil she made in my hair, a leave in conditioner, and this curl pudding. Needless to say it worked and gave my curls a little more definition. It figures I have all these products at the house and trying new ideas, and my Mom beats me to it lol. But I get a care package going back home and something sent to my home. I’m extremely spoiled. Not as spoiled as I want to be, but damn it close enough.
But the best time was beauty day. We did each other’s hair, nails, toes and I’m working on her makeup today. Figure I give her a smoky eye and try some looks on myself.
Tomorrow is the day I go home and it sucks. I can just literally spend my life back with my parents. Just for the fact they are getting older, and I worry about them. I think my next trip will be a week with my mother in law. Pray for me lol.
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So I had to get up uber early this morning and go upstairs because these idiots are like building an apartment upstairs. So I go up there at 7:5 this morning and the guys are like is this your apartment. I’m like no I live downstairs an how long are you going to be banging. He said that after a month they are finally finished and the new tenants will be moving in.
Just great more banging, and shit with new people moving in. I swear I wish I lived on the 5th floor 🙂
Either way it got my ass up. Husband is at training and I am left to my devices. Mwahahahahaha!!!!
So what do I do? I turn on Netflick, hit the kids section and watch Avalon High. Had a good laugh and then put on Zeitgeist. Always a good movie. I think today will be my documentary day. Have to throw in some jacked up “satanic” movies, and I so use that term loosely.
I figure today I should also do my studies and get ready for my trip next week.
I sat and waited for you
Nothing happened
No breeze, no heat, no movement
You left me
Abandoned me in my time of need
I chased you through the blockades
You couldn’t hold them back
But you sent them after me to stop
An order to leave you alone
By you
Then you showed up
And said “I’m sorry”
Where did you go
Why did you leave
Why couldn’t you tell me, come to me
I waited for you
I have always waited
I will continue to wait
Even if it takes another life time
I will wait.
A safe place to talk openly about mental health & illness
The On-going Spiritual Saga of the Witch, Photographer, Artist, and Poet Amorella Moon.
Theistic Satanism and Demonolatry
My experimentations and journey through the different avenues of magick, energy healing, and other spiritual practices, rituals, and beliefs. My opinions are subject to change.
A World Divided to Be United
Essays, Research papers, and Musings from a Black Woman and Scholar of Everything
Story of a white pearl that turned to ashes while waiting for a pheonix to be born inside her !
Serenity in the Dark 