This has to be the most emotionally draining meditations I have done. It is all for me to improve myself, but we all know that old wounds reopen are the most painful.
Baal Inuakhem Corvinus is another personal Daemon. He is the Lycan Side, that in depth knowledge of oneself.
It was an ominous vibe with him, I asked him while and he said because he is an ominous being. Lol, I’m going to need him and Vercerah to stop with the theatrics. They have been observing humans way to long lol. In smoke gray setting, he invited me to sit down and talk to him. He had a slice of New York Cheesecake, with strawberries on it and whipped cream and a cup of coffee. Like my favorite dessert. He, surprisingly had chocolate cake and milk. I think it is milk, or a milk like substance.
“Fuck life before it Fucks you”
That is the lesson he is teaching me. He opened up so much pain within me that I actually forgot about. He said I can just move on. I have to confront it and work with it, to understand it.
He said there is no starting over. Just continuing. I have started over too many times and never kept going because the obstacles really knocked the breath out of me. Knocked me down so bad that their are no regular tears, just look tears. Filled with misery dropping from body.
Slashes with his nails, exposing the pain I have been hiding, the pain I have forgotten, the pain I had pushed deep down, the realizations of being wanted and needed, he is opening them. Raw emotions he is asking me to grab on to.
My shadow self needs a whole lot more work than I thought. He is that bestia side, the one that doesn’t hesitates that goes for it. It is what I need to release. I go for half then stop, feeling some type of way.
He told me to pull cards 2, 8 and 4. Chop Wood protection pose, Orphaned protection pose, and Mending right side up.
Chop Wood protection, tells me to stop daydreaming and make it happen. If I take a step, they will take multiple steps towards me in my pursuit. I just need to stop being scared and take that first step out of my comfort zone
Orphaned protection , is one I choose not to share.
Mending, I’d self explanatory within the context of my vision.
This vision, meditation, reading took a sever toll on me. I will be working and contemplating for a while.
Serenity of the Dark 