A Mother’s Embrace
The bloodlust.
The nights are dark.
They wrap around me in velvet layers.
Only the tips of wings show.
I can still taste her on my lips.
The deep entrapment of sweet love is still swirling through my veins.
Walking through the night is a lovely way to meet her again.
The soft flesh which my fangs pierced.
The flood of pure sweet blood ravishing my mouth.
Trying not to spill a drop, amazed at how good it feels.
The addiction is strong.
The limpness of her body as she submits to my will.
The caress of her hands on my back, hanging on to my wings for dear life.
There has never been one as sweet as you.
I will find you again.
I will never let you go.
There are times when I walk with her at night, and that is how I feel when I am her and she is me, and we travel together. I feel her beside me. Holding me, caressing me. Making sure that I know who I am as a Woman, A Vampire, and a Child of Darkness. There are times when I never want to let her go.
I cleanse myself in Lemongrass and Sandalwood soap. I shampoo my hair, all being extremely clean and refreshed. Washing away the mundane filth of the day. I step out the shower and I do not dry. I walk straight to the altar. I light my two black candles on the side, spark up some Dragon’s blood and Myrrh, light the 9 small tea light candles and wash myself over with s sage smudge. No one outside of Mother can get to me now. I offer blood on the glass black rose I have for her. Watching the blood fall between the unmoving petals, look like a dance of the divine that I have in me. It comes to a point where it should drip off. But it just stays there. Holding itself. Floating on the wind. Waiting. Just waiting.
The circle is cast, banishing of unwanted entities are done. I proceed by calling your name. Softly at first…slowly increasing into a rhythm that rocks me back and forth, makes me head spin and my vision cloud. With every formation of your names, I feel my body being wrapped up by the blanket of the Succubus, the Woman that has watched over me, guided me and molded me into what I am today. I feel the demons of the night reaching up, caressing my feet, legs, thighs, butt, stomach and stopping short of my breasts.
I let Lilith’s invocation spill forth from my lips. Letting the imagery fill my mouth, drip down my chin and onto my breast. She is behind me. I feel the nails raking against my back. From above, the darkness covers my head, my eyes, my mouth, my neck, and my breast, all in case in darkness. I am fully in her embrace. I am fully her. I fall into a deep trance. Dancing with Mother for what seems like an eternity. I do not want to leave; I do not want to part ways with her. She offers me comfort in my time of need. She offers me love as a mother does. We have our fights…I am her child…and after a few punishments she explains why, and assures me, it is only for my betterment. For her I am eternally grateful. We will never leave one another. No matter the fights. She is there for me, and I her. We are twins and I am birthed of her. When I look around I she her scent trailing around me. I can see her everywhere in the ritual space. I can smell her; I can taste her divine essence.
I sink into her chest, and watch as she engulfs my body into her world. The shapes of beings that are familiar to me, rush by un a flash. All I can see is the whiteness of her skin, the redness of her full lips, and the inky black of her hair whipping around me. I wake drenched in sweat, heart racing. Whenever I am with Mother in her realm I wake smelling of fresh dirt, the iron of blood, the stench of sulfur. I smell of travels taken and long forgotten. A scent that is never-ending, and all welcoming. The blood on the glass rose, is now gone. It always amazes me, how I interact with her, and vice versa. Did the blood really leave the rose, or did it just dry. No, it is gone, like it always is when I coat it with my serum. There is no drop on my altar. I raise the goblet and drink to her, of her. She enjoys the Angelica root tea I make for her as an offering. Something that has been recent but subtly asked for. When I drink from the goblet that I have her drink in, I feel myself connecting to her once again, becoming her for an instant. Our minds merge, I can see myself in her, the smoothness of her hands, the sharpness of her nails, the bloodlust she has raging through her, her ability to be all and nothing, everywhere and nowhere, here and there. I let the candles burn themselves out. Light more incense so I can feel her presence for a little more, listen to some music so I can vibe with her more. The music is rthymic, deep, and soulful. It comes from deep within, the woman’s voice starts up and tears come down my face.
I will not be ashamed
I will not go mad
You cannot break me
You can try all you want
We are equally matched
You are realizing this more and more
You birthed your twin
I represent you when you were weak
Yet I can keep the softness
And blend it with my strength
You cannot break me
I will not let you
In those moments I feel like she is breaking me, but she isn’t. She’s building me up, and it is brutal and painful, but done out of love for her Daughter. Something that needs to be every decade or so it seems.
My time with Mother is very special and important to me. It is always a cleansing that touches me from deep within my soul. When our time is coming to an end, I remember the parting kiss Lilitu laid upon my forehead, before I retire from my journey. Cold, but full of fire, loving and stern.
A mother’s love is strong. No matter what.
I am a child of Lilith.
As her child,
I honor her daily.
In every Aspect of my life,
When I am in need
She is there.
When I am lost
She is the light to guide my way.
I represent the sensuality that is Lilith.
I am the Succubus that is feared yet wanted.
I am the Incubus that is loved, yet yearned.
I am the child of the Great Goddess Lilith.
The Owl,
The Vampire,
Mother of All.
She knows who is true.
She knows who is real.
She is not to be played with.
I am a child of Lilith
Brought into being
Celebrating her, right here
~© Kai’Nathera
Serenity in the Dark 